Disastrous Lessons
by Aranel Azamai
Summary: How did those driving lessons mentioned in Zero Hour go? Helicopter lessons? And More? Mark Walden owns H.I.V.E.
1. Driving

Disastrous Lesson

Four friends sat together, chatting away in the classroom, waiting for their teacher to show. As they talked on three of them looked truly irritated with the conversation, and the fourth well... it was impossible to tell. Over the course of the next few minutes the conversation developed quickly into an argument, and as this happened the entire exchange got considerably louder.

"I'm not that bad!" a red-headed, Scottish girl cried looking back and forth between her friends.

"Yeah, you are," a blonde, American girl sighed as she leaned back in her chair, closing her bright, blue eyes.

"Oy, shut it!" Laura responded, elbowing her friend in the ribs.

"Hey!" Shelby exclaimed., elbowing her back.

"Can we just all agree that Laura should never, ever drive again without elbowing each other to death!" a white-haired, British boy pleaded.

The three other just turned and looked at him. "Elbowing people to death?"

Wing just sighed as his friends started into yet another argument, this time about elbowing people to death and if it was even possible. He looked up at the clock and just wished the teacher would show up before the arguing got any louder, he noticed people were starting to stare.

Finally his wish was granted. "Sorry I'm late class. Well let's just pick up with where we left off on our last driving lesson..."

It wasn't more than five minutes latter that a loud screeching noise was heard, followed by a loud crash and a crunch could be heard from that classroom. One might have also then heard a loud 'We told you so!', followed by a 'Oh shut up!'.


	2. Helicopters

**A/N This was originally a one shot, but then in a review Shnizel asked if I would develop it. And well, with the fab four, there must have been more than one disastrous lesson at Hive. So I decided to write some more chapters, as of now I'm not sure how many. Thank you Shnizel and HeroineHiding for your reviews.**

Helicopter Aftermath

Otto Malpense sat silently in a hallway after being thrown out of the classroom. The situation itself wasn't anything new, he had been thrown out of class on numerous occasions. However, this time, it was for a whole new reason. Before it had been for arguing with instructors or some sort of destructive prank, never before had something like this happened.

"Mr. Malpense," a strict, irritated looking assistant woman called out to him, "Dr. Nero would like to speak to you."

Otto winced slightly, but stood up and followed the woman down the corridor and slowly into Dr. Nero's office. Otto awkwardly sat down in one of the chairs and waited for the head master to address him. Dr. Nero sat behind a large, well-kept desk. He looked up from some paperwork and glared at Otto.

"Mr. Malpense," Nero sighed, sounding very frustrated, "What did you do this time?"

"Oh well that's really simple, you see," Otto said as if it were truly no problem at all, "I only crashed a helicopter."

Nero stared at Otto in surprise, although he really shouldn't have been considering his history at H.I.V.E. He sighed, stood up, and walked over to the window. He stared out at the comings and goings of the school and considered what to do with Otto. _Well he probably didn't do it on purpose. Yes, but he did crash a helicopter causing massive destruction! _

"Alright I'll tell you what you're going to do," he began, and Otto gulped, "You alone, with extremely limited help will clean up all the debris from the crash."

Otto suddenly looked relieved, and he stood up to leave. "And," he heard Nero call after him. He froze in his tracks. "You will also have a month of detention with the Colonel. Understand?"

"Yes sir," Otto said quickly hurrying out of the room. Some people might think he should have been upset at his punishment, but he was just relieved that Raven hadn't been involved in the exchange.

Otto continued back to the classroom, trying to think of ways to get out of cleaning up his mess, when he saw a blur out of the corner of his eye. He whipped around terrified, then relaxed, he had imagined the whole thing.

He turned around and was about to walk away when he heard a female voice with a Russian accent whisper, "I hope you're going to clean up your mess."

Otto immediately started sprinting forwards back towards the classroom. All thoughts of getting out of clean up suppressed. He ran into the classroom and immediately tried to clean up, failing due to the fact that most of the rubble was to big to be moved by hand. Raven just smiled to herself.

**A/N If you have any ideas for future disasters PM me! Some chapters might get longer too. **


	3. Grapplers

**A/N: SILENT DEATH. Hmm.. That should give you an idea of who this chapter is centered around. Again thank you Shnizel and HeroineHiding for your reviews. **

Grapplers

Over a very unwelcoming, very large pool a boy hung suspended by what appeared to be no more than a thread attached to a beam. He was dangling helplessly, waving his legs and arms around him, not realizing that this could never accomplish anything.

"How long has he been doing that?" a blonde, American girl whispered to the tall, Asian boy sitting beside her, not taking her eyes off of the scene.

"I am not sure," he responded, "but if he does not find his way down soon I fear for the structural integrity of those beams."

Suddenly her head whipped around so that she was looking at him. "Was that a joke?" she asked incredulously, staring at him. He just frowned at her. "Well was it?" He still did not respond. "I'm serious, was it?"

He just turned back to watch the, soon to be, tragic scene unfolding in front of him. Finally she gave up, grumbling under her breath, and turned back as well. They sat there for probably another ten minutes watching the unfortunate, German boy get yelled at by their truly terrifying tactical education teacher.

"Just get down from there!" the teacher screamed at the boy from the ground.

"I am trying, ja," he insisted, still flailing around, "But it is being very hard, ja."

That went on for quite a while, the poor boy eventually becoming more terrified of coming down than staying up. Finally when everyone had completely lost interest in watching and were now talking amongst themselves, there was a loud crack. Everyone turned to see the large boy falling from the ceiling to the ground, taking a few large chunks of the beam he had been hanging from with him.

The Asian boy turned back to the girl beside him and whispered, "It was not a joke." She turned him, opened her mouth to respond, then changed her mind, and turned back to face the other way.

The boy had hit the ground with a loud thud, and a piece of beam had hit the colonel on the head. The boy stumbled to his feet, unaware of the furious instructor behind him. When he finally turned around he paled, seeing the furious look on the man's face.

He immediately started running towards the door of the gym. It was _not_ a pretty sight. He had not even made it halfway to the door before the instructor started after him. The boy started screaming as he ran away, faster than one would have thought possible.

"Well that went well," the Asian boy said.

The American girl turned suddenly to him again, "Was that sarcasm?"

**Please read and review (it's kind of depressing to know your story's been opened a total of 102 times by a total of 51 different people and only two have reviewed). Also suggestions for future disasters would be appreciated, thank you.**


	4. Food Fight

**A/N: Thank you HeroineHiding, Shnizel, Invader13panda, and um... Anonymous for your reviews. **

Food Fight

Raven walked slowly down an empty hallway. Everything was quiet. It had been for a few months now. She sighed quietly to herself. She realized she shouldn't be wishing for trouble to occur at the school, but she was bored. She hadn't had anything to deal with so she spent all of her time waiting for something exciting to happen.

She continued her way along the hallway towards the cafeteria. She was about to give up and go back to her room when she heard shouts and screams in the distance. Her head immediately shot up as she ran in the direction of the noise.

She came skidding to a halt at the door to the cafeteria and quickly through it open. Unfortunately for her, just in time to be hit in the face with some especially mushy and sticky mashed potatoes. Every student involved the food fight instantly froze in horror as they watched her slowly wipe the white, starchy dish off of her face.

Raven slowly looked over the room. On the outside she wore an extremely displeased frown, which only proceeded to terrify the students further. One student even fainted out of their chair. On the inside however, if you could have seen it, she wore a truly delighted smile.

**A/N: Okay I realize that wasn't really a lesson, but I had a suggestion for Raven and couldn't think of anything else; it's pretty close right? Also I apologize for it being so short.** **Please read and review, and don't forget to give a suggestion if you have one.**


	5. Ms Leon Vs The Pipe Cleaners

**A/N: I am really excited about this one. This was a terrific suggestion from HeroineHiding! Thanks to her and Shnizel for their reviews.**

Ms. Leon Vs. The Pipe Cleaners

Students began to pour into the stealth and evasion classroom five minutes before class started. Usually they would have been talking and laughing, but were stopped by the sight of their teacher. She sat at her desk silently and appeared to be in a bad mood, although maybe not (it's always hard to tell when they're trapped in the body of a cat).

Slowly and carefully the students took their seats, not wanting to get on her bad side just in case. That was until Franz walked into the classroom. He joyfully skipped through the door and towards his desk (which was not a pretty sight for anyone).

"Hello everybody!" he cried as he reached his desk and proudly set down the...uh..._object_ he was carrying.

"Um...Hey Franz," Shelby said, "Whatcha got there?"

"This is being my new art project, ja?" Franz announced excitedly.

"I was not aware that H.I.V.E. had art classes," Wing said, raising an eyebrow.

"It doesn't," Shelby whispered back to him.

"Oh...Franz, where did you acquire that?"

"I was finding the supplies in Ms. Gonzales's closet while Nigel was doing stuff with the plants, and she said I could have them," he beamed at them.

"Well it is certainly...a _unique_ project," Wing said carefully.

"It looks like someone twisted a bunch of pipe cleaners together."

"Shelby."

"Well it does!"

"Alright class take your seats!" the cat's voice commanded. Everyone instantly shut up and sat down, as she started the lesson. She walked back and forth on her desk rapidly shooting out things that the alphas tried to scribble down in there notes. Until suddenly she stopped.

She was standing on the edge of her desk staring intently in Franz's direction. Everyone turned to Franz and he stared back, terrified. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably under the cat's gaze. And for a minute no one moved. Then there was a sudden flash of white and papers flew off of Franz's desk.

"Ahhhhhhh!" Franz screamed in terror, as they all watched what was happening.

There was a thud as the teacher rolled off the desk, Franz's pipe cleaner art project in paw. She chewed on the ends of the pipe cleaner as she rolled around on the floor. Franz made a desperate attempt to save his precious art project, but instead received a viscous hiss and a few nasty scratches across his arms.

"Ahhhhhh!" he screamed again. She rolled over again a ripped some of the pipe cleaners apart, "NOOOOOOO!" Franz cried in distress.

He made another desperate grab and the battle for the pipe cleaners between the cat and the overly-sensitive, chocolate-loving German boy began.

**A/N: Another thank you to HeroineHiding for this idea. It has inspired me, I'm also considering writing more when Ms. Leon's kitty instincts cause problems. Please read and review and as always suggestions are welcomed.**


	6. First Aid part 1

**A/N: The awesome idea for this fic and the ones that will follow was from Shnizel. Thanks to Shnizel and HeroineHiding for reviews.**

First Aid Part One

"Well this should be interesting!" Shelby said in amusement, as she walked down the hall with Wing, Laura, and Otto.

"Indeed," Wing said, keeping a straight face, "This should provide new learning opportunities not often given at H.I.V.E."

Shelby sighed, "That's not what I meant."

The four off them slowly (and cautiously) entered Professor Pike's lab. Normally it was dangerous enough to go in there, and that was when he knew about what he was teaching. Today, the students suspected, he had no idea about what he was teaching. First aid.

They sat down at their seat and looked around. The Professor wasn't there yet, but everyone else looked as nervous as they were.

"Is anyone else a little worried about this," Otto asked his friends quietly.

"Aye."

"Somewhat."

"Is that a joke?"

"Right," he said with a sigh.

They all suddenly shut up as they heard quite a bit of noise coming from the hallway. They watched in confusion and slight amusement as Nigel and Franz came through the door, running and screaming. As soon as the two of them were in the classroom they promptly collapsed to the floor.

"Hey guys what's up?" Shelby asked, as if they hadn't just shown up looking like they were being chased by a bear.

"They...and...chase."Franz said through frantic breaths.

"What he means," Nigel said, having regained slightly more breath than Franz, "Is that on our way here we ran into Block and Tackle and for seemingly no reason they decided to chase us." Before any of them could respond the Professor burst through the door.

He looked down at Franz who was lying on the ground and suddenly looked mildly excited. "Oh, good. This can be our first challenge."

"Challenge?" several people in the room asked at once.

"Yes challenge. This class will consist of various challenges, you will break into pairs and see if you know how to handle each emergency!" he said brightly. "Now this can be a test challenge, just to see if you understand."

"Um...I think he just needs some water."

"Nonsense, there is much more to do than that."

"I don't think so."

"Then you think wrong!" he replied with a smile. "Now look, you can never go wrong with bandages," he proclaimed, taking a bandage and wrapping it around Franz's arm.

"Um...but my arm was not even hurting, ja."

"But your breathing's better. See?"

Everyone in the room looked at each other nervously. "Now, I will assign partners!"

**A/N: Okay, this is the first part of the H.I.V.E. first aid lessons. I have no idea how many parts there will be, so it will probably just go until I run out of ideas. Also please tell me if anyone is OOC and I will try to fix it. Right now I'm most worried about Pike, even though he's more fun this way I hope you enjoy these, please read and review.**


	7. Laser Pointers

**A/N: Okay, so I was thinking that maybe I should post First Aid Lessons as a separate fanfic. What do you guys think? Please tell me either in your review or the poll on my profile page.**

**Also I realized I'm going to need more characters for that story, so if you have any ideas or you want to be in it please PM me.**

**And thank you to Shnizel, HeroineHiding, and Lord Sanguine for reviews.**

Laser Pointers

Somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, Otto Malpense sat in a classroom with a smirk on his face. His friends sat around him, almost everyone else in the classroom was on the verge of falling asleep. He watched the entire room carefully, waiting for the perfect time in this Stealth and Evasion lesson to put his plan into action.

Almost ten minutes later he got his opportunity. He watched in silence as the fluffy, white cat slowly walked out the door, promising to return minutes later. The second the door close he grabbed his backpack and started rummaging through it. All of his friends turned to watch him in confusion.

"What are you doing?" Laura asked, moving her head slightly to the side to avoid flying school supplies.

"You'll see," he said with a smirk. A moment later, with a triumphant look on his face, he pulled a small laser pointer out of the bag.

Laura and Wing looked completely confused, but Shelby understood. "Really?" she questioned, "You know that it's not going to work out the way you want."

"Yes it will."

"No it won't."

"What!" Laura asked.

"A laser pointer. Cats." Shelby stated. Laura and Wing still looked confused. Shelby sighed, "You shine it on something and they chase it."

"That seems very unwise," Wing stated with a completely straight face.

"That's because it is," Shelby informed him.

"No it'll work!" Otto defended.

"Good luck with that."

Before any of them could continue the argument Ms. Leon returned to the room. They all shut up to avoid being noticed. Right as Ms. Leon went to restart the lesson a red dot appeared at the front of the room. Everyone looked confused then Ms. Leon ran at it. Suddenly it moved to the wall and so did she. Then it started darting across the entire room, and of course she followed.

Otto started laughing at his success. "See! I told you it'd work."

"You haven't gotten away with it yet," Laura said shaking her head.

"Sure I have."

"You will have to stop eventually though," Wing said.

"Yeah, but I'll wait until she's so exhausted she can't chase me."

"You would think, but by the looks of it I'd say those batteries are almost dead," Shelby helpfully informed him with a smile.

Otto paled (if that's even possible) as he turned back to face the spazzing teacher. He could see that Shelby was right and he could not think of a single way out of it. He quickly turned back to his friends to ask them for help, but found that they were already gone.


	8. First Aid part 2

**A/N: Wow it's been a long time since I've updated. I'm sorry, I've been swamped with school work. And for those who doubt I can be swamped for that long, I can. This is just a quick update because I have a little time, but next week I have finals and after that I'll be free and will be able to update this and my other story more.**

First Aid Part Two

"Alright!" Professor Pike called out to the sea of slightly frightened students, "Partners! I have a list posted on the board... go."

The students rushed forward to read the list.

Chartreuse Team- W. Fanchu and S. Trinity

Periwinkle Team- O. Malpense and L. Brand

Vermilion Team- F. Argentblum and N. Darkdoom

Fuchsia Team- Block and Tackle

Bisque Team- Col. Francisco and The Contessa

Puce Team- Dr. Nero and Raven

A bunch of others we care not about

"Wait," Franz said uncertainty, "What are being those team names."

"They're colors Franz," Shelby snapped, "More importantly, why are the Colonel, the Contessa, Nero and Raven a part of this?"

"Because!" the professor exclaimed, appearing beside them, startling almost all of them, "You students aren't the only ones who need this training! Now, you may all go, meet with your teammate, you will have the first challenge tomorrow."

**A/N: Yeah, pitiful update. Also, I think I am going to post this a separate fic instead of all in here. Thanks to Heroinehiding, Writey Starkid, Lord Sanguine, Shnizel, Kukipye, and StarkidHufflepuff for reviews.**


End file.
